Tag: parafiction

Strengthening Collaboration as We Approach Year-End

As the year draws to a close, the NOP team has been energised by a renewed focus on collaboration and shared creativity. Last week, colleagues engaged in a lively after-hours catch-up to exchange ideas on upcoming manuscripts, festive campaigns, and new ways to support our authors.

We’re proud of the enthusiasm everyone brings to these informal idea-sharing sessions: another reminder of what makes NOP such a dynamic, people-first publishing house.

Please note that future postings will no longer be produced by the younger members of the NOP team but from our professionalised marketing and communications department. If you wish to hear from those members, please contact us directly via this form:

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Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player 2026 Calendar

Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player 2026 Calendar

A 12 page, A4 calendar with images drawn from the Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player by Nick Owen and illustrations by Paul Warren.

£20.00
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It wasn’t me! Clarification about premature leakage of commercially sensitive intelligence and formal apology.

To: Nick Owen, Eleanor Wheeler, Paul Warren and the Entire Senior Leadership Team

From: Julian Pilkington-Sterne, Marketing Executive (Acting), Nick Owen Publishing

Subject: A Full and Frank Explanation Concerning the “Premature Publication Event”

Dear All,

I am writing in a state of elevated heart rate but full professional composure to address what certain individuals (and one alarmingly quick-fingered person on Twitter) are already calling “The NOP Budget Leak.” I would like to clarify at the outset that this phrase is unnecessarily inflammatory. What occurred was not a “leak,” but rather a “temporarily accelerated communications incident.”

I take full and complete responsibility for pressing the “publish” button on the draft web page detailing the commercially sensitive plans for the 2026 NOP Strategic Relaunch, including (but unfortunately not limited to):

The projected acquisition of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Museum Pop-Up Rights The proposed NOP x Kevin Coyne tribute album The not-yet-announced “Ageing Tennis Player Cinematic Universe” The confidential discussions with Raconteurs Audio regarding a “Julian-centric” podcast spinoff

I want to be crystal clear that the button was pressed entirely accidentally, and only after I had performed extensive quality-assurance testing on the website’s CMS. The “Publish” and “Preview” buttons are, in my professional opinion, perilously close together—closer, in fact, than the public realises. I have long argued for a two-factor authentication process (“Do you really mean THIS, Julian?”), and hope this unfortunate episode will finally justify the necessary UX investment.

Why it happened

In the spirit of transparency and as part of my ongoing personal commitment to reflective practice, I provide the following honest and unvarnished explanation:

I believed I was pressing “Save Draft.” My finger slipped. The office chair I was issued in September has a swivel anomaly. The draft page was positioned, through a combination of auto-scroll and an enthusiastic trackpad, directly beneath my right index finger. I am a human being, and humans err (even Jesus once overturned a table).

Why it could be seen as beneficial

If we are to pivot from crisis to opportunity as all marketing theorists encourage we might observe that:

The page was live for just 11 minutes, thus technically qualifying as a “limited exclusive reveal.” The spike in website traffic has given us invaluable A/B testing data on which phrases consumers click on most when they think they have been given confidential information. A rumour of a Cinematic Universe often precedes actual investment interest (Marvel began exactly this way, though with fewer tennis references). Some early comments online described the leak as “bold,” “chaotic,” and “exactly the sort of transparency we need from publishers,” which can only strengthen our brand identity as restless innovators.

Why I should not be dismissed immediately

I appreciate that Nick has, on at least three separate occasions this morning, used the words “fucking sackable offence,” “utter fucking catastrophe,” and “Julian, for fuck’s sake.” I also appreciate that Eleanor has not looked directly at me since 8:37am.

However, I humbly propose that:

This episode demonstrates my initiative, albeit in an unconventional direction. It reveals the public hunger for NOP content (11 minutes = 412 page views; this is unprecedented for a weekday morning). I have already drafted a corrective press statement framed as “NOP confirms bold future direction after visionary pre-announcement glitch,” which I would be happy to circulate. I have learned a significant lesson about technology, humility, and the dangers of multitasking while eating a cinnamon swirl.

Final note

Please accept my sincere apologies for the turmoil caused. I am prepared to undertake any corrective action deemed necessary, including (but not limited to) additional CMS training, suspension from podcast planning meetings, or a temporary ban from using adjectives like “revolutionary.”

I remain, as ever,

Your dedicated servant in publishing excellence,

Julian Pilkington-Sterne

Marketing Executive (Acting)

Nick Owen Publishing

Julian writes: Kevin Coyne. Are We Dreaming?

It’s 10pm in the NOP Office and Paul has vey kindly stayed back to help me craft the perfect song to woo the perfect woman.

“Rule one,” he asserts. He can be quite assertive when he puts his mind to it, can Paul I thought. “Kevin Coyne never sang pretty. He growled, he cracked, he groaned. His songs were the sound of a man trying to wring meaning out of a damp Tuesday in Derby.”

“I can groan!” I’m cheered up already.

“Not theatrically!” he’s now insistent. “Authentically.”

“And the difference is…?” I’m already feeling out of my depth.

“One is pain. The other is you. Rule two: Coyne wrote about people, not abstractions. No metaphors about “brand ecosystems” or “emotional synergy.”

“Right. No synergy. No ecosystems.” I cross them out of my notebook discreetly.

“And rule three: Deep down, Kevin Coyne was tender. A bruised tenderness.
Not your usual “Federer of Feelings” theatrics.

I nod solemnly. “I can bruise tenderly if I have to.”

“God help us.” Paul starts pacing the floor, looking this way and that, on the search for something, I’m not quite sure what.

“Cigar?” I proffer. He looks at me in a strangulated kind of way and looks to the ceiling.

Want to know why Maja is so struck by the work of Kevin Coyne? Just take a look here!

Samuel James: Voice Behind the New Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player Audiobook

Soon to be launched on over a million ears across the length and breadth of the land – the entire world indeed – is the audiobook of Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player, read by the one and only Samuel James who says:

“The idea of an epic battle between the common man and the forces, trying to keep them at bay is always a winner with me. Nick’s brilliant balance between humour and tragedy had me cheering for Lord Andrew whilst at the same time wishing he could find someone, anyone, to just sit down with for a serious talk over a cup of tea …  Iparticularly enjoyed recreating a well known – and cringeworthy – interview with a certain political leader on the BBC!”

Samuel was born in Portsmouth and raised in southeast London. He trained as an actor at Mountview Theatre School and is an audiobook graduate with Helen Lloyd Audio.

Sam’s theatre credits include Twelfth Night and Women Beware Women at the National Theatre, and the original West End productions of Ragtime and The Full Monty. He is a familiar face on television appearing in everything from sit com to prime-time drama. 

Sam’s audio work includes over 100 full cast audio productions for the BBC, Audible Studios and Big Finish. He was nominated Best Supporting Actor at the BBC Audio Drama Awards for his performance as Billy in The War of the Worlds and he co-starred in Black Eyed Girls for the BBC, which won the Best Original Audio Drama Award. 

Audiobook highlights include Bram Stoker’s Dracula for Spotify Audiobooks and Barry S. Richman’s Follow the Drum for Podium Entertainment. He is currently recording 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea for Spotify Audiobooks – and is delighted to be the voice of the beleaguered and deluded hero in The Confessions Series, his first narrations with Raconteurs Audio. 

Here’s to the first of many collaborations with Samuel and his production company, Raconteurs Audio!

Buy your own CD of the audiobook here:

Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player: the Audiobook

Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player: the Audiobook

Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player is now available as an Audiobook on CD.

£20.00
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Julian writes: Kevin Coyne. My Saviour.

It’s the NOP Office, late Monday afternoon. Paul is sketching brooding human forms as per. Somewhere, the kettle moos. I feel I have no other option than to strike a conversation with Paul, who may inadvertently provide me with the key to Maja’s heart.

“Paul? Paul? Have you got a moment? It’s a matter of… emotional urgency.” I begin, not wishing to impose myself too much.

Paul doesn’t look up but mutters,”Nothing good ever begins with those words.”

I plough on regardless.

“You know Kevin Coyne, right? Derby College of Art? Emotional rawness? Husky transcendence? Singing like a man wrestling poetry out of the working class Midlands?

Paul looked up slowly.

“Julian… I knew Kevin Coyne. I didn’t just know the music — I knew the man.
We once drew the same life model and both of us cried afterwards.”

“Exactly! That’s the energy I need.” I think I’m winning him around.

Paul puts pencil his down.

“Why?”

“Because Maja has taken a liking to him. And I,” I place my hand on my chest, perhaps overly dramatically but I thought it was worth a go. “I must meet her where she musically lives.”

“So you want to write a Kevin Coyne song? You? Julian… Kevin wrote about pain. About brokenness. About people who’ve stared too long at the cigarette end of life. You go home and steam your face with eucalyptus.

“But I can channel pain!” I protested. “I’ve known heartbreak… I’m knowing heartbreak right now! Just last week Maja ignored my Spotify playlist suggestions.”

“That’s not heartbreak. That’s mercy.”

“But you must help me, Paul, please! You went to art college with him! You understand the soul of Kevin Coyne! Teach me to sound rugged and emotionally unavailable!”

He sighed.

“Julian… you are neither rugged nor emotionally unavailable. You are…a labrador in a polo shirt.

“But a labrador… with a guitar?”

He sighed reluctantly.

“Fine. If it’ll stop you hovering like a narrative mosquito… I’ll help.

Success! At last! With Kevin by my side – albeit in the shape of a proxy Paul – where could I go wrong?

Want to know why Maja is so struck by the work of Kevin Coyne? Just take a look here!