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Court Life: Last Plane to Transcentral!

I awoke with a start. My flight to Melbourne was finally being called and the assembled herd of tennis goats who had been kicking around impatiently in the waiting lounge finally stirred their stumps and joined a ramshackle queue, nudging, snorting and shuffling their way forward, keen to get on the plane before anyone else.  Even off court, they could not resist the competitive urge to be first on board, first in their seats and first to order their free inflight Pimms.

“Let’s face it, nothing can substitute for just plain hard work. I had to put in the time to get back. And it was a grind,” complained Andre Agassi to Billie Jean King.  She nodded, sympathetically, kicking her tennis bag along the floor as the queue slowly shuffled forwards.

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Why Novak Djokovich is never going to win the Australian Open: the Jeremy Paxman Interview on Newsnight.

On Wednesday 5 January 2022 Jeremy Paxman interviewed the two leading contenders for the Australian Open, Lord Andrew John Paul George Murray of Kirkintilloch and plain old unanointed Novak Djokovic Esq. Below is a transcript of the programme. This transcript was supplied by an external organisation. The BBC is not responsible for its content.

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PAXMAN:       Good evening. In the first and only interview with the potential winner of one of the biggest sporting occasions ever, tonight we’re talking here in Melbourne to Andrew Murray and Novak Djokovic. You have both been out of favour since you went down to your last crashing defeats last year. Now, Andrew Murray, what makes you think you’re a serious contender this time?

MURRAY :      Because although my opponent may be well versed in village pump politics, bruised egos and sporty tantrums, he will be shocked to see that I, “Andy Murray” the GOAT, has become Sports Personality of The Year! The time for me to win, Novi, is therefore nigh! 

PAXMAN:       Excellent. Now, Novak Djokovic, what makes you think you stand a cat in hell’s chance of winning the Australian Open?