Category: Our Collaborators

Jealousy.

There. I wrote it. It looks pathetic in ink.

It wasn’t even that she was impressive – she was, of course – it was the way Julian seemed to grow into someone else around her. Someone more articulate, more intentional, someone who managed to keep his shirt tucked in for a full twenty minutes. A version of him I didn’t realise I minded missing until it appeared.

At one point she laughed – really laughed – at something he said. Not out of politeness. Not the “yes, English humour is peculiar” diplomatic laugh. A proper laugh. He lit up like a festival lantern. And I hated it. And I hated myself for hating it. Because none of this is… anything. It’s just Julian being Julian. And me being… what? More attached than I realised? More fragile than I admit? After she left, the whole office exhaled.

Julian floated. Actually floated. Muttering things like: “She understood my joke about footnotes,” and “I think she admired our organisational ecosystem,” which is the most delusional sentence I’ve ever heard in this building, and that includes Paul’s claim that he can “feel fonts emotionally.”

I pretended to be busy. I couldn’t look at him. Not while he was glowing like that. I don’t know what any of this means. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this knotted, restless feeling in my chest. But I know one thing. If Shaila returns, I am absolutely sitting in on every meeting. Not because of Julian. Absolutely not. Just… cultural diplomacy. Professional curiosity. Normal reasons.

God, I’m a mess.

I was about to tell you about what happened with Shaila Rao and Julian silly double barrel name but the bosses got in the way… but I have triumphed! Read my full story below! This is where I left off…

‘Tall, composed, astonishingly alert, as if she’d already assessed the structural weaknesses of the entire building on entry. She carried herself with this calm, contained power that made the fluorescent lights look embarrassed to be near her. And from the second Julian saw her, his brain simply evaporated.

I have never watched a human transform before. One minute Julian was babbling about microphone echo on Zoom calls, the next he was practically levitating with awe, speaking in a pitch that reminded me of a woodwind instrument having a breakdown.

“Oh—hi—hello—welcome—this is Nick Owen Publishing—we make books—sometimes on purpose—tea?”

I could have throttled him with the HDMI cable.

He led her through the office like a tour guide trying to impress royalty.

“You’ll see here, this is Eleanor, she keeps us alive,”

“This is Alex, he runs the place,”

“And here is Maja—yes Maja—who is completely calm, and not at all glaring at me for absolutely no reason.”

He said that. To an international delegate. In front of me.

And cool, observant Shaila simply smiled as if she’d encountered this species of man before and had long ago decided it was not worth emotional energy. But what burned me  was watching him look at her like she was the solution to the entire publishing sector’s structural problems. Like she was brilliance made visible. Like he had forgotten, entirely, that he is normally incapable of speaking to strangers without spiralling into chaos.

I shouldn’t care. I know I shouldn’t. I am not…’

EDITOR’S NOTE: WE APOLOGISE FOR THE UNNECESSARY EMOTION IN THIS POST. WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF DELETING IT BUT ARE STILL STRUGGLING FROM THE IMPACT OF A WEBSITE HACK OF SOME WEEKS BACK.

IF YOU REQUIRE MORE INFORMATION PLEASE SUBSCRIBE HERE.

(Private. Absolutely not for the NOP website.)

I did not expect today to unravel the way it did.

I thought we were simply “welcoming an international visitor,” which in NOP-speak usually means tidying a single table, hiding the panic kettle, and pretending we don’t hear the printer grinding its existential screams. But then she arrived.

Shaila Rao.

Tall, composed, astonishingly alert, as if she’d already assessed the structural weaknesses of the entire building on entry. She carried herself with this calm, contained power that made the fluorescent lights look embarrassed to be near her. And from the second Julian saw her…

(Want to hear more of my story? Then subscribe here before the bosses delete this post… Love from Maja xxx