Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player


“I don’t like your attitude!” snaps “Serena Williams” as we square up over the club’s dubious grass courts. But I am “Andy Murray”, the greatest tennis GOAT ever, no really I am and you “Serena” are blocking me from my ultimate goal: chairman of our local club.

Remember when you were young and you emulated your sporting heroes in the streets or school playground and were going to win the 100m sprint? The World Cup? Wimbledon?

‘Confessions’ is about a man of a certain age – Lord Andrew John Paul George Ringo Murray of Kirkintilloch – who lived out those fantasies when he was young and never quite moved on as he grew up.  He moves from sporting zero to hero and back again against the backdrop of Wimbledon in 2013 when Andy Murray was the first British player to win there in decades.

The first of a series, “Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player” is the must-go-to illustrated comic guidebook about our dreams and our disappointments, our failures and our triumphs.

Paperback book, 115 pages with 15 original illustrations by Paul Warren.


‘Confessions’ faithfully follows all Tennis Grand Slam epic matches and is told through five compelling, can’t-put-down sets.

‘The warmup’ (“One day I will play Roger Federer at Wimbledon and beat Him.”)  starts with our hero encountering a spot of bother at his local tennis club which leads to him being ostracised by his club committee.  Almost immediately, he finds himself with a wild card to play in the 2013 Wimbledon Finals.

The ‘First Set’ (“How to Play Tennis”) sees our hero offering  a veritable cornucopia of playing tips and tricks which he claims will help readers deal with all sorts of opponents of all sorts of sizes and shapes, playing all kind of strange shots in the oddest of circumstances.

‘The Second Set’ (“How to Win at Wimbledon”) sees him applying those skills and strategies to go on and win Wimbledon, encountering some unlikely opposition along the way.

In ‘The Third Set’ (“How to become Sports Personality of the Year”) he sets out to offer advice on how to deal with the media interest and the furore around becoming an international tennis superstar and Sports Personality of the Year – which the real Andy Murray won of course, and which our hero also, unsurprisingly wins, given that he has now fully adopted the persona of Murray himself.

The ‘Fourth Set’ (How to Win Power, Authority and Influence) shows us his real quest: how to become chairman of his local tennis club and the tactics he employs to get rid of the opposition in the process.  Unhappily for him however, he does not succeed in this quest and he finally ends up – in the fifth and final set (“The TieBreaker”) in trouble with the local police for setting fire to local tennis clubs in his vicinity.  However – there is a happy note at the end with the possibility of flying to Melbourne to participate in the Australian Open.

Throughout the book, the question of the identity of our hero is constantly in flux, swopping from global hero to local zero at an alarming but comical rate.

Additional information

Weight 0.250 g
Dimensions 153 × 92 × 230 mm

7 reviews for Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player

  1. drnicko

    Forget Sports Personality Of The Year because Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player wins my Sports Hero of the Decade. In a world where fame sometimes sleazily schmoozes with ability, Nick Owens’ salvos slyly obliterate the pretensions afflicting grand spectacle. Written with cheery lunacy, the rollercoaster of crazy is a joy and a credit to serving both a fine read and a smashing volley, earning a final score of everything-to-love. (Rick Hoegberg, writer)

  2. drnicko

    A pataphysical collection of absurdities (David Llewellyn, Director, Tennis Player, Genius)

  3. drnicko

    I thought it was real for about being selected for Wimbledon, literally through to the day before the semi-finals… I was coming into work saying Nick got selected, I can’t wait to read the next chapter. I loved it!  total funny journey.  (Jo McBean, Creative Triangle)

  4. drnicko

    Nick Owen your book’s awesome (Rez Kabir, Artistic Director at Tamarind Theatre Co Ltd and Executive Producer at Mukul And Ghetto Tigers)

  5. drnicko

    A rollicking good read that had me laughing out loud. It had me entertaining the idea of joining our local tennis club, and I’m rubbish at tennis(The Shed)

  6. drnicko

    This is a riotous, rolling, rollicking read in the picaresque tradition. Eat your hearts out Henry Fielding and Herman Melville. As the hero hurtles through his ruthless pursuit of fame and glory, you too will probably receive an upgrade as you are laughing so much in your plane or train seat. Witty ( and wise) this is a cracking read. First in a series. (Liz Fincham, author)

  7. drnicko

    I am at the ageing tennis player and this book hits the nail on the head with an insight and humour that made me laugh out loud. Great observation, no holds barred honesty through the arena of tennis that explores between our imagination and the actuality. (Mike Stubbs, artist, curator, consultant)

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