Author: drnicko

Awarded an MBE for services to arts-based businesses, I am passionate about generating inspiring, socially engaging, creative practice within educational contexts both nationally and internationally.

PRESS RELEASE: Nick Owen Publishing Addresses Ongoing Website “Leakage Issue”

Nottingham, UK; 2 December 2025

Nick Owen Publishing (NOP) today issued an update regarding the recent and unexpected appearance of internal meeting minutes, confidential memos and unvarnished staff commentary across various public pages of its website. These documents, which include highly candid discussions about biscuits, printer failures, and whether Julian should be allowed unsupervised access to the CMS, were unintentionally made available to the public following a series of technical “incidents”.

While early reports suggested another external hack, a preliminary review has now clarified that the root cause was “a complex interplay of outdated plugins, faulty permissions, and one employee who clicked something they absolutely should not have clicked.”

What Happened?

Over the past several weeks, the NOP website began sporadically attaching confidential materials to the bottom of blog posts, book pages, and on one memorable occasion, the author biography for a children’s title.

These included, but were not limited to:

  • Minutes from the “Is the Printer Sentient?” staff meeting
  • A draft disciplinary letter to the person who accidentally emailed a baguette
  • Three pages of Maja’s doodles
  • A detailed argument about whose fault the website hack really was
  • A 1,600-word monologue from Paul Warren titled “Typography Crimes I Will Not Forgive”
  • Eleanor’s annotated list of “People I’m Hiding the Passwords From”

NOP apologises for any confusion caused to readers, reviewers, international partners, and the three unsuspecting school libraries who thought these were “bonus materials”.

What Happens Next?

To restore order, NOP is implementing the following corrective measures:

  1. Full rebuild of the website, led by an external team whose key qualification is “not emotionally involved in any of this.”
  2. Immediate revocation of back-end access from all staff except Eleanor, who has been deemed “least likely to press something shiny”.
  3. A compulsory CMS training session, which Julian will attend twice.
  4. Installation of a permissions system in which no file can be made public without at least two editors confirming it is not (a) minutes, (b) gossip, or (c) a shopping list.
  5. A new rule: If a file is titled “DO NOT UPLOAD”, it may not, under any circumstances, be uploaded.

Reassurance to the Public

Alex Moore, Managing Director, said:

“We want to assure everyone—customers, partners, international publishers, and the unfortunate members of the public who now know far too much about our internal biscuit budget—that the website is being stabilised. Nick Owen Publishing remains committed to transparency.

NOP stresses that there is no ongoing security risk, no personal data was exposed, and that the accidental publication of confidential documents was annoying and embarrassing.

The company expects normal service to resume shortly, with a new and improved website experience, fewer unexpected attachments, and significantly less shouting from Eleanor.

For more information (but preferably not for screenshots), please contact:

press@nickowenpublishing.com

8 pieces of advice to teachers: how to get the best out of artists

There’s plenty of advice around to artists about how to engage with schools, comply with their cultures and generally cope with the myriad of policies, initiatives and behaviours which swarm through school classrooms.

But where’s the advice to schools which will help them get the best out of their visiting artists? This is a start and it looks initially at the employment process.

Employing artists in schools is frequently couched in terms of preparing the workforce of the 21st century (ie children).  It’s a pity then that its the employment practices of the 19th century which are used to bring about this transformation. In order to bring schools’ employment practices into the 21st century, please try and take note of the following.

1. Provide a focused project specification in advance to the interview with the artist which is realistic and doesn’t expect aforesaid artist to deal with all your school’s long term intractable cultural problems. Don’t try and attempt to raise your SATS levels in the core curriculum on the basis of 2 hours a week.

2. When artists apply for a role in your school, however short-term, do the decent thing and reply to their application and give them an idea of when they are likely to hear the results of their application. A short email is all it takes.

3.After the interview, give some constructive feedback as to why the artist was unsuccessful. Yes, this can be difficult if you can’t articulate the reason why you haven’t employed them – but there must have been some reason, however tenuous. Also, please try and do that before the end of the month. Leaving it upto 6 months is neither use nor ornament to anyone.

4. If you have a preferred supplier, don’t waste everybody else’s time in establishing long, fake procedures which you know you won’t honour.

5. Once you do employ someone, please be aware that this is likely to be part of their freelance portfolio and that their daily fee cannot be translated into the equivalent of an annual salary. They do not get paid holiday pay, do not get paid a pension and cannot claim sickness benefit. What might look like a large fee to you has, more than likely to last a few days – and the planning and evaluation time that will also be necessary to work with your school.

6. Please try and stick to the timetable you have agreed with your artist. There is nothing more frustrating than agreeing a ten weekly project only to be informed in week seven that the class has a sponsored bouncy castle event to attend that week, so putting paid to your carefully co-constructed schedule. If your school has to fit too many activities into a limited timetable, there is something wrong with your timetable, not the artist.

7. Please try and engage with the sessions the artist is running. This means not sitting back doing your marking; not using it as an excuse to leave the room; and not being passive-agressive when asked to join in.

8. If you would like the project to include a training component for your permanent staff, warn the artist, allocate extra time or specific sessions for such training, and pay accordingly! Simply allowing teachers to sporadically sit in on/“observe” and interrupt the children’s workshop time, without allowing the artist to plan for and integrate their presence, is counterproductive for all concerned. 

There will no doubt be lots more advice to follow from other colleagues; they’ll be added as and when.

PRESS RELEASE: Nick Owen Publishing Welcomes International Collaboration with Delhi-Based Lotus Leaf Books

Nottingham, UK

2 December 2025

Nick Owen Publishing (NOP) today announces the beginning of a strategic dialogue with Lotus Leaf Books, a leading Delhi-based publishing company exploring expansion into the English-language comedy and humour market.

As part of this initial engagement, Lotus Leaf Books has appointed senior strategy lead Shaila Rao to undertake a study visit to the United Kingdom. The visit will include a structured programme hosted by Nick Owen Publishing, offering insights into the cultural, literary and commercial landscape of contemporary English humour.

The programme will focus on:
– Key characteristics and market drivers of English comedic writing
– Cross-cultural adaptation and global audience development
– Opportunities for international co-publishing and content exchange
– Emerging talent pipelines within the UK humour and satire sector

Julian Pilkington-Sterne, Marketing & Partnerships at Nick Owen Publishing, commented:
“We are delighted to welcome our colleagues from Lotus Leaf Books. Cross-cultural humour is one of the most dynamic areas of global publishing, and this collaboration represents an exciting opportunity to share expertise, explore creative possibilities and build meaningful international partnerships.”

The dialogue between Nick Owen Publishing and Lotus Leaf Books underscores the increasing global interest in English comedic writing and reflects NOP’s commitment to fostering international collaboration across the literary sector.

For further information, please contact:
press@nickowenpublishing.com

Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player 2026 Calendar

Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player 2026 Calendar

A 12 page, A4 calendar with images drawn from the Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player by Nick Owen and illustrations by Paul Warren.

£20.00
Shop now

CONFIDENTIAL ZOOM CALL TRANSCRIPT DO NOT OPENDownload

Maja writes: take me back to dear old Belgrade.

Julian played me his song today. Yes, that song, the one he has been rehearsing with the concentration of a monk and the emotional stability of a startled rabbit.

And while I was bracing myself for whatever chaos his voice was preparing to unleash, something… unexpected happened. A memory. A smell of old amplifiers, cigarette smoke, and cheap plum rakija. A feeling I haven’t felt in years.

I remembered Duo Trojica. Most girls my age at the time were obsessed with glossy pop stars. I, however, fell in love with two men from a smoky bar in Novi Sad who played one battered guitar, one battered accordion, and three chords between them (also battered).

Duo Trojica were… chaos set to rhythm. Their concerts were never planned, just announced spiritually. Sometimes they showed up at cafés and started playing. Sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes they played for hours; sometimes for one song and then argued about onions. But oh, when they played!

The room would swell with melancholy joy, the kind of Balkan sadness that makes you smile because at least you’re all miserable together. I wasn’t part of the band. Officially. But during a summer festival I ended up holding their spare accordion (it smelled like regret), translating their jokes into English for a confused group of Danish tourists, and accidentally singing harmonies when one of them temporarily lost his voice to a particularly emotional cigarette.

For one blazing moment, someone shouted:

“Duo Trojica i Maja!”

I wore that moment like a crown. Even if the band forgot it immediately and resumed arguing about onions. So, when Julian played his… creative… song, I expected only confusion. And yes, there was confusion. And concern. And a brief moment when I genuinely feared he was going to injure a chord.

But beneath the chaos, beneath the wobbling, aching attempt at emotion, there was something raw and clumsy and true. Something just earnest enough to spark the echo of Duo Trojica. Men who loved music more than they loved tuning. Men who believed that feelings mattered more than melody. Men who sang like their hearts were slightly broken but proudly alive.

Julian reminded me accidentally and mistekenly of that spirit. The spirit of trying. Even when the voice cracks. Even when the rhythm collapses. Even when the meaning gets lost in translation. Even when the audience is one unimpressed Serbian intern.

I will never tell Julian this, because he would turn it into a three-part opera, but the truth is that for a moment, as he sang, I remembered being 16 in a smoky room with Duo Trojica in Belgrade and a borrowed microphone and the feeling that life was tragic and hilarious and full of unexpected songs. And I felt… something gentle. Something old. Something warm. Something dangerous. Julian will never know this.  Julian must never know this or he will know it too much. Both are terrifying.

But today, just for a second, the boy with the off-key heart sounded almost like home.

Wondering what on earth Maja is talking about? This might help:

It wasn’t me! Clarification about premature leakage of commercially sensitive intelligence and formal apology.

To: Nick Owen, Eleanor Wheeler, Paul Warren and the Entire Senior Leadership Team

From: Julian Pilkington-Sterne, Marketing Executive (Acting), Nick Owen Publishing

Subject: A Full and Frank Explanation Concerning the “Premature Publication Event”

Dear All,

I am writing in a state of elevated heart rate but full professional composure to address what certain individuals (and one alarmingly quick-fingered person on Twitter) are already calling “The NOP Budget Leak.” I would like to clarify at the outset that this phrase is unnecessarily inflammatory. What occurred was not a “leak,” but rather a “temporarily accelerated communications incident.”

I take full and complete responsibility for pressing the “publish” button on the draft web page detailing the commercially sensitive plans for the 2026 NOP Strategic Relaunch, including (but unfortunately not limited to):

The projected acquisition of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Museum Pop-Up Rights The proposed NOP x Kevin Coyne tribute album The not-yet-announced “Ageing Tennis Player Cinematic Universe” The confidential discussions with Raconteurs Audio regarding a “Julian-centric” podcast spinoff

I want to be crystal clear that the button was pressed entirely accidentally, and only after I had performed extensive quality-assurance testing on the website’s CMS. The “Publish” and “Preview” buttons are, in my professional opinion, perilously close together—closer, in fact, than the public realises. I have long argued for a two-factor authentication process (“Do you really mean THIS, Julian?”), and hope this unfortunate episode will finally justify the necessary UX investment.

Why it happened

In the spirit of transparency and as part of my ongoing personal commitment to reflective practice, I provide the following honest and unvarnished explanation:

I believed I was pressing “Save Draft.” My finger slipped. The office chair I was issued in September has a swivel anomaly. The draft page was positioned, through a combination of auto-scroll and an enthusiastic trackpad, directly beneath my right index finger. I am a human being, and humans err (even Jesus once overturned a table).

Why it could be seen as beneficial

If we are to pivot from crisis to opportunity as all marketing theorists encourage we might observe that:

The page was live for just 11 minutes, thus technically qualifying as a “limited exclusive reveal.” The spike in website traffic has given us invaluable A/B testing data on which phrases consumers click on most when they think they have been given confidential information. A rumour of a Cinematic Universe often precedes actual investment interest (Marvel began exactly this way, though with fewer tennis references). Some early comments online described the leak as “bold,” “chaotic,” and “exactly the sort of transparency we need from publishers,” which can only strengthen our brand identity as restless innovators.

Why I should not be dismissed immediately

I appreciate that Nick has, on at least three separate occasions this morning, used the words “fucking sackable offence,” “utter fucking catastrophe,” and “Julian, for fuck’s sake.” I also appreciate that Eleanor has not looked directly at me since 8:37am.

However, I humbly propose that:

This episode demonstrates my initiative, albeit in an unconventional direction. It reveals the public hunger for NOP content (11 minutes = 412 page views; this is unprecedented for a weekday morning). I have already drafted a corrective press statement framed as “NOP confirms bold future direction after visionary pre-announcement glitch,” which I would be happy to circulate. I have learned a significant lesson about technology, humility, and the dangers of multitasking while eating a cinnamon swirl.

Final note

Please accept my sincere apologies for the turmoil caused. I am prepared to undertake any corrective action deemed necessary, including (but not limited to) additional CMS training, suspension from podcast planning meetings, or a temporary ban from using adjectives like “revolutionary.”

I remain, as ever,

Your dedicated servant in publishing excellence,

Julian Pilkington-Sterne

Marketing Executive (Acting)

Nick Owen Publishing