From: Nick Owen (Publisher)
To: All Staff
Time: 09:00
Subject: URGENT — Booker Debrief
Team,
Firstly, thank you for your passion and belief in ‘The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player’. While we didn’t technically win the Booker Prize, I’d argue we achieved something more valuable: visibility.
However, the Board (and my mother) would appreciate a brief internal reflection on how we might have positioned the book more ‘strategically’ next year. Please keep responses constructive and under 400 words.
Nick
From: Julian Pilkington‑Sterne (Marketing)
To: Nick, cc: All Staff
Time: 09:14
Subject: Re: Booker Debrief
Nick,
Firstly, what a night! The Guardian called the winner ‘genre‑defying’; I call ours ‘genre‑defining’. That’s a win in my book.
Possible factors influencing outcome:
1. Booker judges may not fully appreciate meta‑tennis allegory.
2. Our pre‑launch campaign (‘Love Means Nothing’) perhaps misread as nihilistic.
3. The ‘foam finger’ limited edition lacked gravitas.
Moving forward, we need experiential marketing. Picture it: a floating tennis court on the Serpentine. Guests rally while reading. We call it ‘The Serve of Consciousness.’
Yours in literature and lobs,
Julian
From: Eleanor Wheeler (Senior Editor)
To: Nick, Alex
Time: 09:46
Subject: Re: Booker Debrief
Nick,
Three reasons we didn’t win:
1. The judges read the book.
2. Julian designed the press pack in Comic Sans.
3. Our author thanked ‘the entire ATP’ in his acknowledgements.
Recommend next year’s submission be edited before, not after, longlisting.
E.
From: Paul Warren (Illustrator)
To: Eleanor (cc: Self)
Time: 10:02
Subject: Subject: Visual Post‑Mortem
Eleanor,
I’ve sketched ‘The Booker We Didn’t Win.’ It’s an empty lectern surrounded by hopeful stationery.
Would make a strong Christmas card.
Paul
From: Alex Moore (Operations)
To: Nick, Eleanor, Julian
Time: 11:08
Subject: Re: Booker Debrief
Colleagues,
While the Booker remains outside our operational remit, I note that last year’s submission budget (£3,500) was largely consumed by ‘Julian’s Concept Garlands.’
Next year we might consider:
– Allocating funds to postage rather than petals.
– Verifying eligibility dates before printing 500 bookmarks.
– Avoiding phrases like ‘The Djokovic of Fiction.’
Regards,
Alex
From: Clare Thompson (Reception)
To: All Staff
Time: 11:22
Subject: Re: Booker Debrief
Morning all,
A man in sunglasses dropped off a single tennis ball this morning with the note: ‘He deserved it more.’ It’s in the display case next to last year’s ‘regional commendation.’
If anyone wants tea, I’ve upgraded to Earl Grey. We’re clearly a grey‑area publisher now.
C.
From: Julian Pilkington‑Sterne (Marketing)
To: All Staff
Time: 12:03
Subject: Re: Booker Debrief
Just a thought: shall we release a Director’s Cut of the book? Slightly longer, same plot, heavier font?
I’m calling it ‘Confessions+’.
Julian
From: Eleanor Wheeler (Senior Editor)
To: Julian
Time: 12:05
Subject: Re: Confessions+
No.
E.
From: Nick Owen (Publisher)
To: All Staff
Time: 16:10
Subject: Re: Booker Debrief — Next Steps
Team,
Excellent reflections. Thank you. I propose a follow‑up session titled ‘Booker 2026: Beyond Failure.’ Julian will lead a motivational icebreaker (‘Second Serve Strategy’), and Paul will unveil his ‘Lamentation Sketches.’
Please bring ideas and biscuits.
Nick
From: Clare Thompson (Reception)
To: Alex Moore
Time: 18:45
Subject: Private: Diary Clash
Alex,
They’ve booked the same date as the Arts Council audit. I’m not saying divine intervention, but the diary just saved us all.
The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player
“Tennis belongs to the individualistic past – a hero, or at most a pair of friends or lovers, against the world.” (Jacques Barzun)
What happens after you believe you’ve won Wimbledon, conquered your local tennis club, and crowned yourself a sporting legend — when none of it was quite true?
The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player picks up where Confessions left off: with Lord Andrew John Paul George Ringo Murray of Kirkintilloch rescued from a burning raft of tennis rackets, arrested, and facing the small inconvenience of reality. Undeterred, our gloriously unreliable narrator sets his sights on an even greater prize — the Australian Open — while simultaneously navigating the far more dangerous terrain of love, obsession, correspondence, and self-delusion.
Told through a wildly inventive mix of match reports, fan mail, court transcripts, newspaper cuttings, ornithological “sightings,” and illustrated interludes, this is a novel that treats tennis as theatre, romance as combat, and ageing as an extreme sport. Along the way, real-world tennis mythology collides with fantasy, bureaucracy, and pataphysical logic, as Andy encounters rival “GOATs,” prison systems, phantom coaches, and women who may — or may not — be in love with him.
By turns absurd, tender, infuriating, and unexpectedly moving, The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player is a comic novel about the stories we tell ourselves to survive the fine line between confidence and delusion masculinity, ageing, and desire under pressure and the strange ways love refuses to follow the rules
Illustrated throughout by Paul Warren, this sequel deepens the world of Confessions while standing confidently on its own as a bold, original, laugh-out-loud meditation on ambition, attachment, and the enduring hope that the next match — or the next letter — might finally change everything.
Next stop: Melbourne. Love all.