Dear Team,
I am writing this email with a heavy heart, a slightly trembling hand, and a deep sense of personal responsibility. It has come to my attention (via Alex, whose tone I would describe as festive but terminal) that the Zoom link for the NOP Office Christmas Party – 18 December has been circulated somewhat more… widely than originally intended. By which I mean: I emailed it to the entire NOP CRM of over 2,000 customers, partners, suppliers. former suppliers, people who once enquired about goats and at least one person who unsubscribed in 2019.
This was not malicious. It was not strategic. It was, however, spectacularly incorrect.
What Happened (Briefly, and in My Own Words)
I mistakenly believed that the phrase “internal but celebratory” meant “internal in spirit, external in warmth.” I further misunderstood “specific guests only” to mean “specific guests… and anyone who feels emotionally aligned with NOP.” I now accept that this interpretation was wrong. Painfully. Unambiguously. Wrong.
My Apology
I apologise unreservedly to:
- Nick, for introducing a reputational risk approximately the size of a small pantomime
- Alex, for what will now be an inbox avalanche
- Eleanor, for having to explain to at least three serious people why they are not invited to a Zoom party featuring novelty jumpers
- Paul, for the inevitable confusion this will cause in the artistic realm
- Maja, for witnessing a British man apologise in this many paragraphs
I also apologise to the team collectively for turning a modest internal celebration into what may become NOP’s most participatory cultural event since the accidental hack.
Current Situation (As I Understand It)
- The Zoom link is now “in the wild”
- People are already replying with phrases such as:
- “Sounds fun!”
- “Shall I bring my partner?”
- “Do you want me to say a few words?”
- “Is there a dress code?”
- One supplier has asked if they can do a short sponsored segment
I have not replied to anyone yet. This restraint should be acknowledged.
Proposed Solutions (For Discussion, Not Panic)
In the spirit of taking responsibility, I propose the following options, which I present humbly, though not without optimism:
Option 1: The Polite Containment
- Send a clarification email stating:
- The party is internal
- The link was shared in error
- Attendance is limited
- Pros: Clear, professional, finite
- Cons: Requires emotional maturity from everyone involved
Option 2: The Waiting Room Strategy
- Enable Zoom waiting room
- Admit only recognised internal faces
- Everyone else receives a warm but silent rejection
- Pros: Technically elegant
- Cons: I will feel their disappointment through the screen
Option 3: The Parallel Universe
- Keep the internal party as planned
- Schedule a separate, short, public “Festive Hello from NOP” in January
- Frame this as intentional community engagement
- Pros: Turns error into strategy
- Cons: I will say “this was always the plan,” which some of you may dispute
Option 4: Radical Transparency (Not Recommended)
- Let everyone attend
- Observe what happens
- Possibly write a book about it
- Pros: Ethnographic richness
- Cons: Absolutely everything else
What I Will Do Next (Unless Told Otherwise)
- Pause all replies to external attendees
- Draft a short clarification email for approval
- Hand over all operational decisions to Alex
- Sit quietly and reflect on the concept of boundaries
Final Thought
I understand if trust has been shaken.
I understand if this email does not fully repair the damage.
I understand if my laptop privileges are temporarily reconsidered.
Please know that my intentions were festive, my execution flawed, and my remorse genuine.
I remain, as ever,
your contrite colleague,
your cautionary tale,
and your marketing executive,
Julian Pilkington-Sterne
(Sent slowly, deliberately, and with multiple checks)
